On-set with Ange & Johnny! Believe it!

By Nick Bhasin

The truth about Ange and Johnny

While shooting a boat scene in Venice for their thriller The Tourist, Angelina Jolie caught Johnny Depp totally by surprise when she got a little too close for comfort. ‘When they started kissing, Angie used a little tongue,’ an insider tells Star, even though the script called for just a light peck on the lips. ‘It totally freaked Johnny out and he drew away, but Angie just gave him a naughty smile. She’s always pulling stunts like this. She knows what she wants, and she won’t stop until she gets it.’
- Star Magazine

Once again, in order to get to the bottom of the story, we have uncovered recordings of Ange and Johnny’s interaction on The Tourist set – but we warn you: the contents may shock and excite and delight and disturb you, all at once.

The transcript:

Angelina Jolie: Hello, kind sir.

Johnny Depp: Hello, madam.

AJ: I am but a tourist here in Venice on holiday and I need someone to show me the sights of this wonderful city.

JD: Why, I’d be delighted to. But what do I get for my trouble?

AJ: How about a kiss?

JD: That only seems fair.

AJ: You better believe it.

Sounds of kissing and struggling.

Director: Cut! Angelina, if you wouldn’t mind just giving him a peck on the lips like it says in the script, that would be great. We’ll save the steamier stuff for later, okay?

AJ: No problem.

Director: Let’s go again.

AJ: Hello, kind sir.

JD: Hello, mada –

Sounds of kissing and struggling.

Director: Cut!

JD: I think you chipped one of my teeth…

AJ: Don’t act like you don’t like it, Depp.

JD: That’s a really naughty smile you keep giving me.

AJ: Naughty Smile is my middle name.

Director: OK, settle down, everyone. Angie, you jumped the gun a little bit there.

AJ: I know, I’m sorry.

JD: No, she’s not. She’s using her tongue!

AJ: That’s the only way I know how to kiss!

JD: Do you have to swirl it around like that? It’s making me dizzy.

AJ: That’s what it’s like to kiss me, baby. If you’re not dizzy, I’m not doing my job.

Director: All right, let’s pick this up from the middle…

JD: Can I have a towel?

AJ: Use my dress.

JD: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

AJ: Let’s go again!

JD: Wait, doesn’t the director have to say that?

AJ: Sir, I’m a tourist, please take your shirt off…

JD: That’s not in the scri…

Sounds of a struggle.

JD: Hey, come on…

AJ: I said gimme that shirt!

Director: Cut! Angie, baby, it’s starting to look like you’re seeing what you want and you won’t stop until you get it. Is that what’s going on here?

AJ: Maybe.

JD: Maybe we should take a break.

AJ: Maybe you should shut your trap. And get rid of that beard while you’re at it.

JD: But Vanessa likes it.

AJ: Who-nessa? My name is Angelina Jolie and I don’t like it.

JD: I just think…

AJ: Shh… I’ll do the thinking around here.

Sounds of kissing and struggling.

Director: Cut!

JD: We weren’t even filming that time!

AJ: You think I need a camera rolling to take what I want? I’ll do this all day. My name’s Angelina Jolie.

JD: Why do you keep talking like that? You’re a mother of six.

AJ: Mama’s about to give you a spanking.

JD: Wait!

AJ: Come here!

Director: All right, they’ll be gone for a while, people. Let’s take a break.

End of tape.